I Get Emotional

Soundtrack: "Warp 1.9 (Feat. Steve Aoki)", The Bloody Beetroots

You know, there's a funny thing about me. Neither "funny-ahah" nor "funny-peculiar", to quote...well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? Whatever, this is some place I am the only one to control, where I am the only one to decide pretty much everything, so let's agree (even if you, "you" anonymous reader, actually don't agree) on the fact that it does not matter. Not anymore. This thing, this thing that I personally find "funny-in-a-behaviourally-kind-of-way", is that I have a strong tendency to speak English when drunk. Weird fact. And there's more, even if what I'm going to tell you know is not so surprising, I don't only speak English but I even speak better. I never had a more fluent English conversation than that time (a long time ago) with that American girl at a friend's house whom I've never ever met again. Of course so, I was drunk. To tell you the truth and exemplify my drunkness at the time, I lost her e-mail address which was written on my forearm. I can be such an idiot. Fuck. You know something? I'm tired. I'm fucking tired. Tired of being this disgusting all sweet, nice, tidy, gentle, tender and I-don't-know-what-else boy to the eyes of the judging world we live in. I want to be bad, I want to be dirty, talk dirty, act dirty,  I want to be scandalous, even. Because that seems to work for so many of you out there. I want to be an asshole, since it looks like out there every and each girl is falling for those who treat them like shit. I want to be scandalous, drink until I collapse, try drugs, one-night-shots, I want to try it all. If that comes with destroying myself, so be it, what do I have to loose when I already lost everything I ever really cared about? It reminds me of some nights out. Good times, I can say that without shame. How could a time be bad when don't give a shit about anything, not even yourself? If that's what I have to go through to actually feel something again, well...Bring it on, Babe.

Haemoglobin.